Best Comic Books EVER

As most of you know, I'm a retired comic book geek. I got out of the hobby in the early 90s after about fifteen years, sold off the bulk of my collection in bits and pieces after that for a few years more. At one time my collection was somewhere in the neighborhood of 5000 books but I've boiled everything down to one long box (approx. 400 books) of "keepers" that I plan on hanging onto forever and ever. These may not be issues that are particularly valuable, but they're personal favorites that I have always enjoyed reading and re-reading. This here thread is gonna be where I reach into that box every once in a while, pull out a random book, and post about it.

Anyways, to start things off, here's one of the WEIRDEST team-up books ever produced: MARVEL TEAM UP #137, circa January 1984:

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"Not a Dream! Not a Hoax! Not an Imaginary Story!" Marvel Team-Up usually paired up Spider-Man with a different character every month, but this was a whole 'nother kinda special issue of MTU. For one month in late 1983, all of the regular Marvel editors were going to be in California making a convention appearance. Therefore, the task of editing of all the books to go out that month fell to the Assistant Editors. Marvel made a whole big to-do about how special "ASSISTANT EDITOR'S MONTH" was going to be, that the inmates were going to be running the asylum, and that readers could expect some weird shit in all of Marvel's books that month. Well, this issue of MTU deals out the weird shit in spades!!

Those of you who read comics in the 70s and 80s probably remember those one-page advertisements for Hostess snack cakes, which would feature a Marvel or DC superhero in a six panel adventure that always ended with the super villain being distracted by Twinkies or Hostess Cupcakes so the hero could get the drop on 'em. This ish of Marvel Team Up took that idea and blew it out to feature length, with hilarious results.

Peter Parker (aka Spiderman) and his Aunt May are attending the circus together, and happen to find themselves seated in the same row as the Fantastic Four, along with Reed (Mr Fantastic) and Sue (Invisible Girl) Richards' son Franklin. Word gets to the FF that the planet eating demi-God Galactus has been sighted in Earth orbit so they need to rush back to the Baxter Building and suit up. Franklin, being a bratty little kid, doesn't want to leave the circus, of course. Peter Parker/Spiderman comes up with a solution: to leave Aunt May in charge of Franklin till the FF can get back. Everyone's happy, the FF and Spidey head off to the Baxter building, and BLAMMO! Galactus comes thru the roof of the arena. Seems he was homing in on the "Cosmic Energy" given off by Franklin, thinking he would make a suitable new Herald of Galactus. Aunt May throws herself in front of the shot from Galactus' eye beams meant for Franklin, which bestow upon her the Power Cosmic. Galactus thus names Aunt May, now called "GOLDEN OLDIE," as his new herald and puts her in charge of finding new planets suitable for his consumption. Aunt May/Golden Oldie discovers that "Mostess Twinkles" (Franklin's favorite snack) actually have an effect on Galactus' hunger pangs so she at first collects all of the Twinkles in New York, then the world, and offers them to Galactus. Once they've been devoured, they're off to space to find another world for Galactus to suck dry.

Aunt May of course doesn't wish to bring Galactus to any inhabited planets (which is the same sort of conscience that got the Silver Surfer in trouble y'know) but while traveling thru space she finds a planet that is shaped like a gigantic "Mostess Twinkle." The baker who created the planet (an alien who looks like the love child of Poppin' Fresh of Pillsbury fame, and the Sta-Puft Marshmallow Man) tells her he has been baking these planetary treats especially for Galactus for hundreds of years in the hopes that Galactus might finally discover him. So this works out fine. Sta-Puft Guy can bake as many planets as Galactus needs, Aunt May no longer needs to hunt down worlds for Galactus to devour, Galactus releases her from her duties as Herald and she returns to Earth just in time to get Franklin back home and to bed.

All this intergalactic intrigue for only sixty cents!! Lawd, lawd, they dont' make'em like this anymore.

Heh, some of the stuff they pulled during the Asst Editors month was pretty funny. My fav was that month's What If issue- filled with nothing but gag questions, and many one panel 'one liners'.

Such as: What happens when Daredevil 'the man without fear' meets 'whoever knows fear burns at the touch of the..' Man Thing?

And you see a pic of Man Thing touching DD with a finger and DD saying 'HAH!'


What if Zarathos (the Ghost Rider demon) possessed someone else?

Then you had a panel for Ghost Baby, with the baby and skeleton head and flaming baby buggy wheels... then another one for old folks home GR with an old guy with bathrobe on a flaming wheelchair.

What if Cyclops eye beams came out of his ears instead?

And you see him blasting people out of his ears and him worrying if his ruby quarts earmuffs fall off...

Hahaha, yeah, I had that ish of "What If?" too... I had forgotten till you mentioned Cyclops' blasts coming from his ears. Great stuff.

Today's Random Comic Book is... HOMEGROWN FUNNIES #1 by the legendary Robert Crumb.
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Homegrown Funnies was first published in 1971 (though I myself didn't discover it till the late '80s) and it was my introduction to the wild, wacky, perverse world of Crumb. I had been getting into "underground comix" for a couple of years prior to discovering "Homegrown" (I had gotten into the Freak Brothers a few years prior) and had heard that aside from Freak Brother creator Gilbert Shelton, the other master of the Underground Comix art form was the mighty Crumb. I was in a comic store in NYC when I found a new reprint of HOMEGROWN on the new release rack. I flipped it open and knew immediately that I had to have it when I read the interior cover, a short one page comic strip about a girl named "MaryJane." The narrator of the strip sez he really loves Mary Jane and wishes he knew how to tell her how he really feels about her. He goes on to explain how Mary Jane takes care of him when he's sick, has forgiven him when he has strayed from her, has always got a place for him in her home, etc., and it ends with him saying "Y'know what? Thinking of her makes me wanna run over there right now... and offer her the distinct honor of suckin' my dick! Make it a hum-job, sweets!"

It only gets more bizarre from there. The first story features "Angelfood McDevilsFood," an Amazonian sized African woman (who, like all Crumb women, has massive breasts and a GIGANTIC ass) whose home is washed away by a flood. She winds up stuck upside down in the mud, with only her legs showing above the surface. Along comes The Snoid, (a recurring Crumb character, a perverted sneaky weasel type) who uses her outstretched legs and -- ahem -- private parts to hold up the new cabin he builds out of junk collected in the flood. Angelfood awakens beneath the mud, feels a giant beam stuck up in her, and is heard to comment "Wut's dat stickin' in mah ho? Ooooh, I's COMIN'! HOOOOO-EEEEE!" and blasts the Snoid out of the comic with the force of her orgasm.

The final story of "Whiteman" is perhaps one of Crumb's most famous strips. While camping in the wilderness with his average white family, our suburban hero "Whiteman" is kidnapped by a tribe of Yetis, who take him to a cave and marry him off to one of their females. She keeps him prisoner for a while (you haven't lived till you have seen Crumb's depiction of man-on-Yeti sex acts) which leads to him eventually falling in love with her. When the authorities arrive to rescue Whiteman, they take him back to civilization and place Yeti in a zoo. He of course sets her free and they live happily ever after in the wild together.

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Whiteman and Yetti, together again.

-- Whew!! Quite a head trip for a then-17 year old who'd never read anything so, um, bizarre before. Needless to say, I love this comic and it got me hooked on all things Crumb. I went on to collect other Crumb works such as the legendary ZAP comics series, Big Ass Comics, The Id, and others, but Homegrown Funnies remains my favorite to this day.

Unfortunately I can't comment on comics much, I love comic books but there was only so much my Mum could afford to get me being a single Mum with 9 kids. The only comics I have are the WWF Undertaker series.

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One of my faves is "Hearts of Darkness" (marvel comics) it is a story with Ghost Rider, Wolverine and Punsiher who are brought together because they are heros who walk the edge of good and evil, to fight off Blackheart and his demons from a small town invasion. It's a great comic in my opinion.

I always get the feeling that your description of the comics and movies you write about is lot more entertaining then the actual movie or comic book you are speaking about

It's too true sometimes hollywood totally rapes the stories that are put out so well in the comics that it is very disappointing, but I still think it is cool seeing characters I've read about since childhood brought to life on the big screen.

Judge Dredd and Heavy Metal were my two favorites.

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Predator Strange Roux: Just re-read this and it's one of my favorites, it's a one shot comic so you don't have to collect others to get the whole story. It tells the tale of an old bayou legend of superstition that the locals are afraid of, and the hunter on the loose just brings truth to the old legends, it's got some good action with a hell of a twist in the end, frogman gumbo style, it's a good read.

I've also got the Demonic Toys and Puppet Master comics that Full Moon put out in the mid-90's.

DeathCult wrote:

I've also got the Demonic Toys and Puppet Master comics that Full Moon put out in the mid-90's.

Wow man, I seen one of the Puppet Master comics it was pretty damn cool, didn't know they had Demonic Toys too, man that's a really rare collection.

Lobo: Bounty Hunting for Fun and Profit

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This is a great collection of comedy and blood as Lobo, (one of the best characters to come off the DC comic line ever, in my opinion) gives us the inside scoop on what it takes to be a bounty hunter. The story is broken down in chapters: 1.Weaponry, 2. The Image, 3.The Approach, 4.How to get the best jobs, 5.Double up-or Quits? 6.Disguises, 7.The Detective Aspect of Bounty Hunting and 8. Testing your Abilities. This comic guide has lots of cheesy puns and plenty of blood spilled moments, as Lobo gives a play by play look at a sorry "bastich" he volunteers into becoming a bounty hunter, the poor bastich gets mauled and maimed in every lesson he is put through, and the bottom line in bounty hunting? "Never Trust Nobody!" (especially your Fraggin' Bastich of a teacher.)

That's one of my favorites I just finished re-reading, great stuff in my opinion.

I'm looking forward to the "Captain America" and "Avengers" movies that are upcoming. Joss Whedon wrote the screenplay for CA and he's writing and directing Avengers. He's always been a comic book nut (see Buffy), so he should be right in his element.

Yeah those should be pretty damn cool, the Captain America trailers I've seen look promising, the Thor movie looks like it will be good too.
Its funny how as a kid I would read these comics and was considered a nerd and made fun of for it, and now those same dumb asses are all into the comic movies and act like they were fans from the beginning.

Watchmen forever changed my view on superheroes and comics forever.

I am a dumb ass I was reading this as Watchmen Forever instead of how you posted it and it threw me waaaaay off.

One of these days I'd like to read the actual Watchmen graphic novel(s). Just haven't had the finances yet.

I've never read any Watchmen...

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I always was a fan of the Marvel What if? titles, mostly cause they were one shot stories that told the stories already known in a different way, for instance last night I re read from my vault What if? #78.
This comic tells us what would have happened if the "new" Fantastic Four had remained a team. The original story took place in the F.F. comics and the original team was trapped in space and in great danger, so Dr. Strange threw together a rescue team of Wolverine, Hulk, Spiderman and Ghostrider. In the original story they saved the original FF and helped save the day.....But this comic tells the tale of What if... they failed at saving the original FF team, and the original FF team all died? So now these four unlikely heros are the heirs of the title "The Fantastic Four", and they unlike the original team have a great deal of trouble functioning as a team. They have to deal with not only the individual villains of their pasts but also the ones the original FF used to handle, when some of there former enemies join forces to take down the new FF there team work is really put to the test, and when things are looking really bad for the new FF, low and behold but they are saved by the FFs worst nemesis Dr. Doom.....this is a pretty crazy short story that ends with them all going there separate ways and realizing no body could replace the Fantastic Four.

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Today from the vault I read: What If? #49
The original Infinity Gauntlet story was a miniseries that involved lot's of heroes trying to take down the titan Thanos who came into possession of the IG which gave him god like powers in a last stand attempt to stop him most of the worlds heroes gathered forces to battle the almighty Thanos and take away the IG, all heroes who stood in his path were killed, Hulk, Thor, Spiderman, Wolverine just to name a few in the end only Captain America and stood against the mighty Thanos who had his sheild shattered, only the Silver Surfer remained to save the day, before Thanos gave the final death blow to Captain America the Surfer was to fly in and snatch the IG from Thanoss' grasp.... but he failed, and Captain America fell as all the rest.
But this comic tells the tale of What If? the Silver Surfer had not failed at that last stand of the heroes and took possession of the IG for himself? In this comic the Surfer in his infinite power as a god, resurrects the fallen heroes and chooses to be a merciful god and cure the sick, feed the hungry and do all this good stuff all through the galaxy, but soon finds the power of a god is overwhelming and it begins to corrupt him, so Adam Warlock and Thanos with the help of Dr. Strange bring back the Surfers long lost love to try to help bring him to his senses, in the end the Surfer sacrifices himself to destroy the IG for the good of all beings across the galaxy. Interesting is that when this takes place, Dr. Strange ends with this quote "No greater love hath a man than to lay down his life for his fellow man". Interesting twist on a Marvel classic for sure.

Superman Man of Steel #30

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Re-read this one last night, great story. This takes place soon after Superman came back from the dead, during the whole Doomsday fight that killed him in the first place. Anyway Lobo the galaxy's well known bounty hunter and Bastich comes hunting for Superman to finish him off. Lobo is claiming that no one should be coming back from the dead but himself as he thinks he is the baddest bastich in the universes so he engages Superman in a kick ass fight. But Lobo is also being tracked by some alien dudes that want to "Frag" his ass for destroying there world, they have the technology to create what they call Zombots, replicas of those that Lobo has killed or "Fragged" as Lobo calls it, the aliens try to take out Lobo and Superman, screwing up there great battle and now the two of them wind up on the alien ship fighting off a horde of Zombots, Superman finds out that he is stronger now then before his death, and Lobo finds this out too, the hard way. After defeating all the Zombots they end with the promise of a re-match some other time, and Superman refusing to have some beers with Lobo.

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Re-read this yesterday, can't say it's one of the best comics ever but it is interesting, if you ever wanted to know what would happen if two comic worlds collided and there top heroes had to duke it out for the fate of there very existence. This was originally a four part comic series, but this one I got is all four in one volume, in the middle of this four part series the comic worlds combined into one and merged the heroes into one, for instance like Batman and Wolverine were merged into the Dark Claw, and Joker and Sabertooth merged into Hyena and other stuff like that, some of these were interesting and some just blew ass chunks, but anyway this comic lets you get a glimpse of some great crossover battles.
The Hulk vs. Superman, Aquaman vs. Sub-Mariner, Thor vs. Shazaam, Batman vs. Captain America, Storm vs. Wonder Woman and others, with some villainous characters thrown in the mix also. Now when this comic series came out it was based on fan votes on who would win these battles, and that kinda sucked, because everyone of course voted for the most popular characters to win the battles, some I agree with and some just are not believable. Could Superman really knock out the Hulk in a fist fight? This comic says yes, I still don't think so. Could Wolverine actually gut and beat the baddest bastich int the galaxy Lobo? The same Lobo who can go toe to toe with Superman? I don't think so, this comic says, yeah he can. So over all it's an interesting book to check out, I'd personally like to see this as a video game and let the players decide who is the baddest heroes of all time.

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I know I'm writing to dead air here, but oh well....

What if? #94 The Kingdom of Cain
This is one of my all time favorites, it's one I've come back and re-read a few times.
Basically the story goes, Cain Marko aka. The Juggernaut is the last man on earth, he occasionally fights off a Sentinel or two that are still scanning the globe for life. Cause in this reality the Juggernaut had at one time succeeded in killing his brother Professor X and most of the X-Men, and with no X-Team monkey wrenching the Sentinel Program, it took off with world wide extermination of mutants and humans, after many heroes such as the Avengers and the Fantastic Four had fallen to the onslaught of the Sentinels, the giant robots created a virus that effected mutants and humans alike, slowly killing them off. So the Juggernaut being the unstoppable and un-killable brute he is turns out to be immune to this deadly virus, and soon finds that he is utterly alone, with the absence of all human life he starts wandering the earth in search of Sentinels in hopes of finding some way to die himself. He then stumbles upon the last sanctuary of humans and mutants left on earth who are lead and protected by none other than Magneto. When in a confrontation with Magneto, Cain Marko comes to realize that his killing of the X-Men started the world on the path of destruction that lead to the way it is now. He then in a fit of rage, winds up exposing the last of the humanity he so desperately was searching for to the virus and there death. And he is once again forced to walk the earth alone.

It all sounds cool, but for the most part I have no idea what you're talking about. I only ever really read Judge Dredd. Enjoying learning about it though.

Thanks for the comment DeathCult, yeah I only have vaguely read Judge Dredd but I did read enough to know the movie did not do the comic justice, yet I still enjoyed it.