Funny Shit - post it here

S.D. wrote:

Be sure to wipe, or your Eyesore will itch all day.

I wonder if she'd be interested in blowing a "Spanish Didgeridoo"?

S.D. wrote:

Man, those mail order bride ad's used to be pretty bad ass.

The dumbass kid learns what happens when you punch a cat.



Lesson learned.

S.D. wrote:

The dumbass kid learns what happens when you punch a cat.



Lesson learned.

That's awesome. I fucking hate kids.

Now THAT is CAT-ITUDE!

I don't hate kids, but that was hysterical. My boys know not to piss the cat off. They've both gotten a few "nips" over the years from Kitteh and it's always been due to them not knowing when to leave her the hell alone. Now that they're old enough to know "the signs" that Kitteh has had about enough, kids and Kitteh get along much better.

Years ago my sister in law got a nip from our cat too... when she came over to our house the cat was sleepin' on the top of the couch, and yet she scooped him up and started messing with him. All of a sudden I hear "OW!" and then "Lester bit me!" I sez "Was he sleeping?" She sez "Yeah." I sez "Well, then I don't blame him. If you woke me up out of a dead sleep, I'd probably bite you too."

That kitteh packed a wallop!

Damn that's good man, that was like watching a clip of my kids and our cats, HA!

And shit yeah Freddy is right you don't wake an animal out of a dead sleep, you will pay the price for your stupidity, that goes for waking a father from his nap too, cause no shit, after coaching and refing a soccer game a week ago, I got a car load of kids and had to stop at a store so the wifey could by some shit real quick (like that's for real?) so I tune out the kids mentally and doze off peacefully in the drivers seat, and like a dumb ass I still have my ref whistle around my neck, so my daughter like a kid with a death wish, decides to blow the F'ing thing in my ear, at least the bruising was not too bad when I decked her in the head.

We know John Harvey Kellogg as the founder of the Kellogg’s cereal company and the inventor of corn flakes. However, around the turn of the 20th century, Kellogg became renowned for his work as an anti-masturbation crusader, prescribing unusual — and borderline sadistic — solutions to the menace of young boys and girls touching their privates.

And by “uncomfortable,” we mean that even reading about them will make your genitals retreat into your body and grow an exoskeleton.


Kellogg believed masturbation could literally kill you. If it didn’t kill you, it’d cause cancer, UTIs, nocturnal emissions, impotence, epilepsy, insanity and crippling disability. So the whole premise of cornflakes is batshit religious sex-obsessed dogma from a hack who wanted to burn off girls’ clitorises? Can’t we enjoy anything anymore?

Carbolic acid, it should be noted, is so poisonous it causes instant paralysis when applied to the skin. Oh, and violent gastro-enteritis, convulsions and death when swallowed. When he couldn’t convince a young, masturbating patient’s father to let him use it on her, he finally just circumcised her.

It gets even weirder. Kellogg had another hobby: filling his patients’ asses with yogurt. He was a medical officer at Michigan’s Battle Creek Sanitarium, where he invented an enema machine to make sure the inmates’ intestines were clean. This machine administered gallons of water and yogurt into people’s mouths and anuses, “thus planting the protective germs where they are most needed and may render most effective service.”

If that isn’t the weirdest porn you’ve ever seen, you should set your computer on fire.

Yeah man, I was reading some real bizarre shit about him.

We should ban the use of Corn Flakes and all Kellogg products man, they suck anyway, that Kellogg dude was one sick mother, but think about the jacked up parents that let that shit happen to there kids, that's extremely f'd up.

You may remember a movie was made about Mr. Kellogg in the 90's. "The Road To Wellville"

Holy fucking shit - I literally lol'd at this. The only downfall is that my mother has read this book. -vomit-

Gilbert Gottfried Reads Fifty Shades of Gray

Damn that was funny. I love Gibert.

MetalGuy71 wrote:

Damn that was funny. I love Gibert.

That was damn funny!

Gilbert Gottfried is one funny mofo.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/chickfila-debuts-new-homophobic-sandwich,28888/

Chick-Fil-A Debuts New Homophobic Sandwich
'Queer-Hatin' Cordon Bleu' Goes On Sale Wednesday


ATLANTA—As part of its recent efforts to publicly align itself with fundamentalist Christian values, the Chick-fil-A restaurant chain announced today the debut of its new Queer-Hatin' Cordon Bleu sandwich that would be on sale in all of the company's 1,600 restaurants this Wednesday.

In a press conference to reporters, company representatives said the homophobic new sandwich will include the national fast food chain’s trademark fried chicken filet wrapped in a piece of specially-smoked No Homo ham that would be topped with a slice of Swiss cheese and lathered in a creamy new Thousand Island-based Fag Punching sauce.

"The Queer-Hatin' Cordon Bleu is our company's way of showing our firm commitment to strong, Christian family values," said Chick-fil-A spokesman Robert Gary, before adding that the vehemently anti-gay rights sandwich comes served in a combo with waffle fries and a medium soda for just $6.95. "From the very first morsel of this savory meal to the very last bite, customers can envision gays burning in hell with their sodomizing cohorts, and know that our sandwich is on their side.”

"Of course, the young ones will want to finish their meals off right with a No Fudge Packin' Soft Serve Cone," Gary added. "I can't think of a better way to follow up a sandwich this good."

While the release of the Queer-Hatin’ Cordon Bleu has led to anger from pro-gay rights groups, loyal Chick-fil-A customers claim they are happy they can finally enjoy a sandwich that takes a firm stance on the issue of homosexuality.

"Any sandwich that combines that great Chick-fil-A flavor with a hefty dose of vitriolic homophobia is definitely going to keep me coming back for more," said Atlanta customer John Oaks. “Come Wednesday, I’m going to be first in line for this thing.”

According to sources, the Queer-Hatin’ Cordon Bleu is merely the first of Chick-fil-A’s new family values menu which is set to include the AIDS Is God’s Curse chicken nugget combo and the Fags Caused 9/11 strawberry fruit smoothie.

If I laugh I'm a Bible-thumping bigot right? If I don't then I'm a lukewarm, carnal Christian destined for the pit of hell...

I like to make fun of the godless and god-fearing in equal measure, we're ALL fucking stupid.